You’re my fish and chips on a windy seafront, you’re my perfect date, you’re my caravan holidays in summer, my long walk through rust coloured autumn leaves, you’re my drunk-round-the-table, late nights and lazy mornings, you’re my guiding star on dark nights, my sanity, my world, my perfect mum to a perfect son, you’re my reason I do and my reason I don’t, the depth and breadth of which can’t be measured by starlight alone, you’re my lust, my angel-slut, my place of worship, my red coloured room, my Baileys in slipper socks, the knowing look and wet to touch, you’re my house keys and wallet, my belly laughs on Sunday, crackling and roast potatoes, my breath of air, my last breath and last thought, my first thought and first kiss.
Well it has been hasn’t it? Let the records show that the weather has been cold, but everything else in our lives has been hot – scorchio! We have had some big belly laughs whilst hoping to lose my big belly, more than our fair share of moments of closeness and love, some fortune and only the most minor of challenges. We will have managed about 28 days dry through the month, dropped a few pounds between us and taken life firmly by the horn (pun intended).
Because life is, well, life – there will be other years when January brings seemingly only cold and miserableness with it. Not so for this year, that is for sure. What a great way to start our 2017! I am determined to try and be the best I possibly can be this year for you as my wife, friend and lover and also for my boy and for the few people I consider to be true friends. We both know this marks a big year for me and I intend that to be as full of love, laughter and success as possible. What makes that the best thing ever is knowing I will be doing every step of it with you firmly at my side.
We have just secured our caravan, which for some will be a total snooze – but for us is represents another step on our family journey. Less than 5 years ago we first tried our hand at camping – which consisted of a £25 Tesco tent laughingly described as 4 berth which we took to Skipsea Sands. This year going back to one of our favourites places with a van in tow! Progress methinks! 🙂 I could never have done this with anyone else. You make things fun, I love the little adventures we have and love what this means to us as a family.
I am hoping to write a review every month. Some will be longer than others, there might be some grey amongst the blue skies throughout our year but nevertheless we will be sharing another amazing year of chances together. For this I thank the cosmos every day and equally thank you for being mine.
What we are we going to make 2017?
As we creep closer to the beginning of a new year, it is always for me a time of reflection and planning. I enjoy looking back with fondness on the year that has passed and also more importantly enjoy looking forward to what we can hope for in the coming 12 months.
It is fair to say that I want 2017 to be a year time remember, for all good reasons. It marks my 50th year on planet Earth and thankfully I find myself in the best place in all my adult life. That gives me the firmest of foundations to look forward with a sense of excitement rather than dread. The year will also be our boy’s ninth birthday, your 34th and officially 10 years since we first got together. Things have sure changes in that time and fair to say most of it all for the good. Even some of the bad stuff, has usually been a lesson to learn from which we have grown stronger and closer together.
What would I really like for next year?
Continued health for us all. Stupid thing to ask for maybe, but it means so much and we are all guilty of taking it for granted. I don’t want to imagine my world whereby you or my boy are seriously ill. I am not happy when either of you get a cold, but I guess I got to allow that. 🙂
I want us to find our perfect pikey house. Team Gilliver will be spreading their wheels next year I feel and a big part of that is finding our portable home-from-home. Excited about that. I also imagine the Rexie and the boy will love it too. I have visions of us upping and going off a fair bit, spending weekends in sun and rain alike leaving our cares behind.
A bit more time for you and I. Grown up time. I am realistic about this. I don’t want a night every week, not even every month, but I would like a few over the course of the year. Not a lot to ask I don’t think. This of course assumes you want to spend more time alone with me. If you don’t that’s fine – but you’d best tell me so I don’t make a further d*ck of myself hahaha 🙂 I don’t want you to ever be bored of me or our life, but I can only make changes if I know, so new year, new start and all that. This is your chance to tell me if there is anything you want more (or less) of.
I want to enjoy my birthday. I don’t need any presents. The only gifts I ever want from you cost nothing. I just want you, I want your time and your attention. Simple really. If you ever thought I was more complicated than that, then you might need a re-think. 🙂 I want to have fun, sunshine, sharing food and drinks with people that genuinely mean something to us. I reckon that should be quite easy to achieve. And not cost us the earth either. More importantly I want it to be a celebration of our life together. The best things in my life have happened since knowing you. We have worked for it, but well worth it. This year should be about that for you as much as me. Haha. I am making wild assumptions that you feel the same as me!!!
I want to see the return of date night! Those nights of fun round the kitchen table. Chewing the fat, drinking the booze, listening to choooons, maybe some imaginative use of the kitchen table too 😉 (well you said it is getting to the stage whereby we will eventually wake the boy up…) My life and wants with you is simple. I know there is a lot of “I want” in this, but you can do the same and write your list too if you want. 🙂
More of the stuff that makes us what we are as a family; Walks, board games, movie afternoons, Lego building, football on the front, (trying to think of summer things but it is hard when it is almost the shortest day and dark outside), BBQs, you know the deal – the stuff that makes us Team Gilliver. I love it. I love what we have become. Other than my boy calling me a “lazy pig”, I think that we get it right most of the time. Hope so at least. Our boy is growing to be a kind hearted (mostly), works hard (mostly), loves his family (mostly), is quite clever (mostly)… he makes me proud most days to be fair. We must be doing something right.
I want you to talk to me. I know we talk, chat, message and email every single day. I would not have it any other way. I think we are almost at 12,000 messages in Facebook. Says it all really. No, the stuff I want is some of the hopes, dreams, fears, fantasy stuff that we all have in our heads. I want you to feel that you can share any or all of that stuff. I love that there is an element of mystery about you, just some days I want to strip it bare and see what there is. Yes, in both a metaphorical and also literal physical way. You know, a sort of journey through your psyche and maybe there will be some physical exploration to be done too as we go further and deeper.
I want to listen to more music with you. This does not mean I want to simply listen to the combined works of Messers Timberlake and Mars on repeat until I die. Which I am sure I would do. 🙂 This means I want us to listen to new stuff together, find new stuff, find songs that we like that have no history or connection other than we heard it in our kitchen together. Know what I mean? I am sure you do. I know you love music and I must seem like a bore, it’s just the one place where I see and really feel the age gap. I hate that. I am acutely aware of it and don’t need reminding. 🙂
Speaking of home and the like…
Some homey stuff needs doing. Wardrobes, painting kitchen, windows(!!!). So it might be worth hitting it all really hard in Aug/Sept and aiming to have Chez Gillivere all beautiful for Christmas next year. Feel free to add to this list. I’d like to give Oscars some paint too. The ceiling is filthy haha.
So to conclude. I won’t be having any mid-life crisis about being 50. I will be absolutely fine about it assuming I have you and my boy by my side. I am looking forward to it being a good year, I know it will have its’ share of issues (all years do obviously) but reckon it could be our best one yet. It might not be all about money and work but then I am happy enough with what we have already got.
Here is looking forward to our next amazing year together.
Love you & want you
Those gallant young men,
Lives lost for valiant cause;
For love, for King, for country.
To die in foreign fields surrounded
By enemy, by comrades, by horror.
Our waiting Maker takes each alone
Dismissing those deadly duties done,
Until silent falls that bloodstained ground.
Let them sleep;
Those men, Those boys, those children,
Safe knowing their loss
Gave us our tomorrow.
For then, for now, forget them not.
Little boy lost
Ice cream sundaes
Screeching gulls gusting
Bingo callers calling
Kiss me quick kissed
Garish sweet sticks
Rain macs showered
Sky blue sky
Drifting clouds floating
Sea air carrying
Onioned hotdog scents
Battered fish frying
Vinegar and salt
Little boy found
Sighs of relief
Tear stained laughter
Long journey back
Sleeping dogs laying
Perfect day out
Home sweet home.
I’d love to hear her thoughts. I know she does not show her face all the time, but when she does, she stains me. She is my tattoo, my ink, my love, my lust. A desire that breathes life into my aging bones and turns back years. I am sadly addicted to her – she who is you – and for many good reasons. It is more than coming or fucking. It is passion, love and life. It is the secret story of us, the secret of what makes us who we are and what we are. Alone. Together.
An extract from “Letters”.
We collected you and your paperwork from Ward 2b,
Ninety two years and the sum of you
Was neatly packed into two green plastic bags.
Your jaundiced face, breathing shallow,
Cannulated oxygen offering some small
Respite from your agonies, pains, sorrows.
I noticed your paper thin skin
Each vein a contour line, each bruise
A different story now.
We got you, stretcher bound, locked into place,
Carrying you like Charon across the Styx –
For some, Hell is a nursing home.
I prayed you did not die, selfishly.
You had suffered enough, but
I needed you stay with us
For one last hour,
For one last journey
‘til you were no longer in my care.
We delivered you and your paperwork to Room 12,
Ninety two minutes and the sum of you
Had stained my heart indelibly.
Reading out words
from a torn book of love.
How do I?
You ask empty red velvet chairs
They fold closed
like slow hand clapping.
I miss the seventies
With the sounds of glam
The bad shoes
The worse hair
I miss the security
Of 3 day weeks
Walking home in the snow.
I miss my life,
Of bored school days
And doing fractions.
I miss the people
With whom I shared
And tears for the future.